ABUSE – in the name of LOVE.

Updated: Aug 10

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What is love?

Yes, we all know what it is. We’ve felt it for another person at some point or another. Our parents, siblings, friends, and obviously our partner. It’s an entire mix-bag of emotions we feel. Right from care, affection, attraction, protectiveness, possessiveness, to warmth. Sometimes we don’t have the words to explain what it is to us. It’s a long list, but that is something we must explore for ourselves. We’re ready to take anything and everything for them, isn’t it?

But how much is it that we can take, or how much is it that we SHOULD take.

Abusive relationships – as important as it is to talk about it at any given time, it’s more relevant now due to the rise in domestic abuse cases the lock-down period has shown. The frustration that is building up in peoples mind and body, the very need to do something is rising the anger in them. Not knowing how to deal with the feelings, is one of the reasons for the rise in domestic violence. Add alcohol to the second major reason (For real, being a shitty human can be labelled as the first real reason).

There are two major types of abuse a person faces in a relationship. Let me first clarify that when I say “in a relationship”, that doesn’t mean only a couple. It can be a parent-child relationship, sibling relationship or any other relationship within family members. Though, speaking about abuse faced within families or by family members is still a no-no in some societies.

PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL

Let me begin with the physical form of abuse. Unfortunately, the most common example of a physical abuse is the domestic violence faced by married women in our country. Any kind of physical act which is done with the intention of harming or traumatizing another person is a type of Physical Abuse.

The 3 most common types of Physical Abuse a person is facing:

  1. Partners or couples being physically violent with the other (can be both ways) under the pretext of ‘being angry, upset, frustrated, or drunk’.

  2. A parent hitting their child, being violent or using objects to hurt them. (Please understand that there is a line that needs to be drawn as to how physical you can get with a child under the name of ‘teaching them’)

  3. Sexual abuse (marital rape, children getting molested/raped by other family members is alarmingly frequent, one partner forcing another one for the sake of their ‘LOVE’)

Though sexual abuse is another whole dimension, I would include it under the physical abuse tab.


The 3 most common types of Emotional Abuse a person is facing:

  1. Women not being allowed to work, made to sit at home and take care of the house/parents unwillingly. Not giving them the right to live their life on their own terms – is a form of emotional abuse.

  2. A child being told by his parent that he is useless, not good enough. Being constantly compared to another child and put down. Parents pressurizing and forcing their child to do something against their will (study in a particular field, marry a specific person, and it goes on!)

  3. Excessive jealousy, possessiveness, being constantly put on a guilt trip, nagging or even NOT giving each other the right to privacy/space is a form of emotional abuse in relationships

These are just a very tiny list of examples I’ve put across to show what abuse in relationships mean.

Facing an abuse, be it physical or emotional is extremely hard for a person to deal with. Physical abuse can be seen and noticed easily, but it is the emotional abuse which goes unnoticed most times.

Both forms of abuse can lead to serious consequences, most common being DEPRESSION.

If you know anyone who faces these issues but are shy/scared to talk about it – please stand up for them, talk to them and do not leave them alone.

Below are a few important things to keep in mind:

  1. Physical marks on a person, when they deny or make excuse of how they got them is a clear sign of PHYSICAL ABUSE.

  2. When they’re uncomfortable or uneasy talking about a specific person in their family or their partner. This is not 100% true in all cases, but if you see this happening then try to get to the bottom of it. It is and should be easy to talk about problems with friends/family and if that isn’t happening, there is something more to it. This can be a sign of EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

  3. Depression is one of the serious consequences of any form of abuse, and is extremely tricky. In some people it is very easy to spot, their behavior changes. Whereas in some people it is very difficult to spot as they can be happy and normal on the outside but disturbed on the inside.

  4. The first step to take when you realize that you’re being mentally or physically abused is talk it out and reason with them and share with a close relative/friend. For physical abuse, you can complain to the police, as well as other organizations. But before this, you have to REALIZE AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

  5. Being an adult, if you see any child suffer then please take them to a doctor and take action. It could be a GP for body check up as well as a Therapist/Psychiatrist to help them get over the trauma.

If you know anyone who is suffering from the same, but they cannot stand up for themselves or are scared of their partner/parents hurting them, scared of the society (divorce), or even if it is just a one time incident – please make them understand that it is a RED FLAG and to be cautious.

So many times children or we adults have seen or heard our parents/elders or partners use domestic violence under the pretext of ‘making them learn a lesson’ or ‘keep them under control’ or “I was drunk” or even ‘what will the society say if they find out’.

We’ve seen them use multiple methods of emotional abuse as well, such as “I will hurt myself if you don’t listen to me” or not talking to the victim by isolating them to indirectly hurt them, or even morally degrading the child in front of others frequently.

These are the small signs and hints that suggest the existence of physical or emotional abuse. If you have any points to add or share, please comment below.

And remember – YOU DON’T HAVE TO ACCEPT ABUSE IN THE NAME OF LOVE.

If you have in anyway related to this post, or support it – please like and share. I would love to hear your comments. There are a number of helplines you can dial, and get the support needed.


Love,


Saloni


#india #blogging #mentalhealth #selfhelp #lifestyleblogger #lifestyle #Thebloggerslibrary #Digitalwharves


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